Thursday, January 12, 2006

Fine British customer service

So I was in the local Off License (British for 'convenience store', yet no where near as convenient as a proper 7-11, being closed overnight and all), actually it was a different Off License to my usual Off License, and I stood there waiting patiently at the counter with my monster pack of Turkish delight, on account of my insatiable frosty depths of winter sugar/carbohydrates/anything-still-and-dead-enough-for-me-to-get-my-increasingly-pudgy-little-hands-on cravings.

The man behind the counter tapped one pound fifty into the register and then like a modern-day Off-License-tending Nostradamus portended:

"And you want 20 Marlboro lights, love?"

Recoiling at him reading my very mind, I responded, "Yes? How did you know that?"

He chortled, "Aaah, but this is what you always get. You crave these cigarettes, always. ALWAYS. I know you, love!"

Perturbed at this unwarranted insight into my filthy addiction, I protested, "What! I'm quitting! And I hardly ever come in here, anyway."

Animated soothsayer gone and Off License vendor dead stare back, he said flatly, "Yeah. So you want them or not?"

And I peeped, "Yep."

Then, after he handed over my booty, he cackled, "Aaahaahaaa! That Turkish delight is terrible! You won't like it. What you need to try is Turkish delight from Israel. You will love it, love! It's great!"

Then, for emphasis on how entirely shit my Turkish delight was, he grabbed a handy magenta and gold packet of Fry's, flourished it before me, and proclaimed:

"This stuff - rubbish! Fake! But still better than what you bought, love. You must try the divine Israeli Turkish delight!"

"Well, if Israeli Turkish delight is so great, why are you selling me this crappy Turkish delight, then?" I quizzed incisively.

He shrugged, "This is a business, love. You people will buy any miserable thing."

And then waved me off for the next miserable-purchasing customer.


At 12:56 AM, Blogger boxen said...

heh. :)

At 1:22 AM, Blogger Erica said...

I only discovered your old blog after you'd stopped writing on it, and read through much of the archives. Now thanks to the Bernies I have discoverd this new blog, so I can actually read things as they happen - how excellent.

Anyway, you rock. And that is it from me for now.

At 11:28 PM, Anonymous Kristi said...

So glad you're back, Momo! :) Your stories never fail to amuse.

By the way, I'm so sorry you've had a rough year, and I sincerely hope things are getting better for you.

Hang in there, there are loads of people who think you're absolutely terrific. :)

At 6:49 PM, Blogger M-m-m-m-m-m-m-Momo said...

Thanks Erica and Kristi. :) Hi Boxen!


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