Saturday, April 22, 2006

A sad night in with the computer and a screen full of memories

Earlier tonight, I got yet another SchoolFriends.com reminder in my inbox. Apparently, someone I probably had absolutely no interaction with other than possibly laughing at them being stuffed in a rubbish bin by bullies in the schoolground (as oft happened to a particularly unpopular younger cousin of mine, and, dang it, it was funny) had decided to update their details on the website. Just for ca-razy kicks, and the fact I was unprecedentedly bored, I decided to mosey on over and trawl through the Class of '93 roll call of names. Just to see who was there and get the past a-blastin'.

So, I clicked around my former classmates' names, observed who was now married to a property developer, the proud parent of two dogs, and living the dream up on the Gold Coast, did a few other random searches, updated my profile in an attempt to make it seem mildly less twit-like than the one that had sat there for four years for other unprecedentedly bored former classmates to scoff at, and promptly got b-o-r-e-d (e-r).

Since the last time I bothered looking at this site (when I signed up in 2002), it has had added functions, where, for $19.95, the nostalgia-lorn can email a former school friend, completely out of the blue, after an absence of years or a decade or few, with a personal message, viz:

I have always loved you.


Or, for the coy, unimaginative, or clinically brain dead, there's the multiple choice option, dubbed "the easy ice-breaker". The ice-breaker provides a ready-made choice of simple messages tailored by SchoolFriends.com:

The benign:
* I'd love to hear what you're up to now
* I hope life is treating you well

The shamelessly forthright and (potentially) sexually potent:
* It'd be great to meet up again ...

Or, the rather dead-end observation:
* I can't believe how the time has flown!

What's more, beside my name, there was the option to place a banner, should any disinterested party make the grave mistake of not wanting to click and read my profile full of rivetting news of the past 13 years. With this banner, I could gloatingly advise any (or all) of the following tidbits:
* I'm engaged!
* I'm married!
* I just had a baby girl!
* I just had a baby boy!

Or, the decidedly defeated (or hopeful, depending on why you'd choose to broadcast it):
* Just got divorced!
* Single again!

Or, a revelation:
* I'm gay!

After finding there was, alas, no banner for:
* I'm in prison!

Or:
* I'm out of prison!

Or:
* I'm certifiably insane!

Or:
* Die! Motherfuckers! Die!

I did choose one banner to show that, yes, I am thirty and doing just fine:
* I'm a grandparent!

Just for ca-razy controversial kicks. But then I changed my mind, and left the damn thing alone.

7 Comments:

At 2:10 AM, Blogger Steph said...

I wish I could send a message to the miserable bully who used to taunt me about my "development" in high school. I went to one night of my stupid 10-year reunion so that I could see who was miserable, etc. He was fat and bald. I couldn't quite bring myself to say, "HA! Now I've got a great rack... and apparently so do you!"

 
At 8:07 PM, Blogger Nick said...

Well, even if they don't have "Die! Motherfucker! Die!" they should at least have "After all these years I still hate you with a passion, you bitch."

But, I lurve you, mo.

 
At 3:29 AM, Blogger Dollop said...

Momo, use a banner like that and they'll think you're from Ipswich: youngest grandmother in Australia lives there, attaining the title at the ripe old age of 30.

 
At 7:09 AM, Blogger naridu said...

inspired by your post I went and looked at my own ancient profile, apparently some old friend had tried to contact me for a 21st party four years ago...yeah, that's the way to get in touch.

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger audrey said...

The only people i could possibly want to get in touch with from school are the 'beautiful ones' who invariably dropped out of uni to become managers at Supre. I'd like to tell them where to shove their exclusive chapel seating now...

I'm not normally one to link to myself, but if you want a Truly Embarrassing account of high school horror, check out this.

Geez I'm glad High School is over.

 
At 3:57 AM, Anonymous Jo said...

but you are a grandparent.

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger jeut said...

How about a, "OMG! I can't believe you haven't gotten any better looking?" :-P

 

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